The Journey's What Matters

Today I got ready in 24 minutes flat. It took me about 45 minutes to drink one cup of coffee, which I had to warm up in the microwave twice, while a toddler chased me around the house asking what privacy is when I told her I needed some. Rewind 15+years and the picture is very different. 15+ years ago you would find and extremely self-conscious and “lost” teenager struggling to get ready in 1 1/2 to 2 hours, thinking that she never wanted children and wondering if she would even make it to the “old” age of 30. Man, how times change and really, thank God for that. At least in my case.

When I look back to that stage in my life, the high school years, it is actually pretty ironic and at times quite comical that I became a therapist because Lord knows I could have used one back then. I believe ultimately though that things do happen the way they are supposed to and while the circumstances and situations are not always ideal or pleasant even, I would not have become the person I am now without those experiences. I am actually grateful for them. If someone would have told me back then there would come a time when I would leave the house to go grocery shopping at night in my sweats without make-up I would have told them they were straight crazy, that would NEVER happen. But it does. And I love it.

It is very liberating to let go of certain chains that have bound me. One particular chain is how much I care what other people think about me. That chain actually drove me to go to college and do really well. You see, I wasn’t much of a “go-getter” in high school. My academic performance was mediocre at best because I wasn’t focused on that. I was only focused on feeling good about myself and unfortunately the way that I learned to feel good about myself was by looking “pretty” and getting attention from boys. When I didn’t have that I felt empty. I was consumed by it. I would sit in class and not focus on what the teacher was saying but would instead write dark poetry and feel depressed. I was moody. One minute I would laugh and joke the next minute I would be pissed and sad. I remember one time someone much older than I told me that one day all of the things that I was so upset about then would not matter much when I was older, at least not to the extent of making me so upset. I thought they were wrong but nope, turns out they were so right. So I was sort of a late bloomer in finding myself and being able to root my self-esteem not in physical appearance but in accomplishment and doing things that I felt proud of. I am proud to have wrestled my demons to the point where they have no control over me. Sure, they still taunt me from time to time but where I am now in my life I have realized how to contain them and not let them run my life.

Helping people has always been a passion for me, but as a younger adult I didn’t have the focus or drive to know what to do with that passion. Now, as an older adult, I have both focus and drive. That realization led me to the idea of the reunion. Many people may not understand the focus of the fundraising aspect and my need to give back and at first I struggled with that. I felt like I needed to prove why it was important. But ultimately, I am okay with it. Not everyone has to understand (there’s that chain again...taunting me with it’s potential to bind...) and that’s okay. I don’t need to prove anything because people will see things the way they want to regardless of the case I try to make. And that is okay. In my eyes, having a big party where you get to reconnect, drink it up and shake your tail feather all while doing something good for the community is one of the best scenarios ever. I like to have a good time. I like to do good for others. Add those two together and it’s a win-win for everyone. I really hope that you all will get what I’m saying and come join us on July 30th for a kick-ass par-tay. High school was high school, yes. But the experience of it is part of our journey, which makes me think of one of my favorite quotes:
“It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.” ~ Ursula K. Le Guin
 Here’s to the past, the present and the future parts of the journey! See you July 30th :0)
~ Kimm

Then:

 

Now: